what’s the definition of trust?

voluptuousrandy:

two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.

thats the most beautiful thing ive ever read

(Source: heaterforyourthighs-deactivated1)

(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”

Fandom Translation

Fan: my creys. my feels. hold me.
Translation: The emotional impact of this episode/line/character is almost beyond my capacity to hold in my feelings. I could really use the support of my fellow fans.
Fan: how does your face even work you DICKFACE JUST TAKE MY OVARIES YOU ASSWIPE ugh i will never be able to reproduce
Translation: I find this person to be very attractive and am oft left stunned by his/her seemingly flawless physical appearance.
Fan: i cannot. i am unable to can.
Translation: I am deeply in awe of this art/fanfiction/person/etc. It feels as though I've temporarily lost the ability to function.
Fan: omg omG I HATE YOU FUCK YOU UGGGH GO DIE
Translation: I love you. Every fiber of my being burns with a passion hotter than one thousand white-hot suns. I may or may not have a chewed-gum shrine of you in my closet.

They really are laying it on thick now

cynicalwitch:

Add in your own language

Classy as Fuck: MOTHER FUCKING TGS. LET ME TOUCH YOU.
Jessarae: ___(insert name here)___ pls.

if my son is gay

son: mom... i'm gay
me: what was that?
son: i'm... gay
me: oh, that's okay.
AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES, OKAY. NOT SOME BULLSHIT OVER THE TOP LET-ME-PUT-ON-GLEE-AND-BAKE-YOU-COOKIES THING.